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[26 Feb 2007|08:53pm] |
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she's amazing!
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| happy new year! |
[02 Jan 2007|11:32am] |
ah... 2 days into the new year. and if the rest of the year is like how its been lately. it'll be a good year.
the crew has never been more stable and open with each other.
civil war comes out tomorrow. finally.
New years was an absolute blast! dinner was cold. but the company... was interesting to say the least. some people i didn't expect to see there came and really just made my night.
my and the 'rents are great lately. i need to talk to my brother soon or else, well, we'll never talk. ever. and i should call up my dad and have lunch with him... you know what i'm going to do that now. excuse my ADD.
...and she makes me happier than i deserve.
well, getting snakes on a plane for tonight. talk to you later LJ
~KTP~
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[20 Dec 2006|02:42am] |
i hate this. i hate it more than anyone can imagine. this hurts so bad i could just puke. i've been told its nothing, but its still my feelings. and i'de like to feel like i have some worth. i hate this! I FUCKING HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!
this isn't helping me. i'm going to go to bed alone and cry the night through. hopfully tomorrow... i'll get hit by a fucking truck or somthing. that would be to lucky for me though
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| 'tis the season yo |
[13 Dec 2006|12:51am] |
man, nobody reads this shit ever now-a-days.
i remember back in the day we were using this shit like mad cakes... yeah, mad cakes. cakes are mad. so, what you wanna fight about it?
anyways. i really dont post this on this anymore. and now that i have people on my buddy list. like when i started this... i had like chip and greg... yes, they were my first buddies. cute isnt it? yeah shut you fucking mouth.
ok back. so, yeah, i dont know. it seems that i only post on here when i read to just scream. but it helps. but it sends the wrong message about Stephen. ya'know. i dont want people thinking i'm some dumb emo kid. so, i'll just say this
I'M NOT EMO!
thats all. and... lets see. comics = sweet. guys = awesome. chicks = wowsa. and... hmm... now sure what else. oh yeah school... um... about that... yeeeah. no i'm passing, i should be doing better.
why am i updating still no one cares or reads this anyways.
glad to see you again livejournal. you'll have your come back career soon enough.
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| the greatest taco bell run ever |
[04 Dec 2006|12:31am] |
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music |
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everclear - AM radio |
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so, that should tell you what i just happened
it hit me. like nothing else. it hit me. i realized what it was i was missing.
you know how i like bottle everything up. yeah, like that. well, the reasoning i had for it was because i always thought that real raw emotions caused drama. bad drama. the kind that no one ever wants. but I've sort of been holding myself to a double standard, because my whole role is to make people laugh, which is an emotion that i evoke on people.
see emotions are such a fickle thing. and i realized that there is no reason to hold them in. why don't i talk to people. i have great friends that will listen to me. what have i been doing.
feeling do not cause drama. i will not be the suicide king that i always thought i would be. i'de just be a person!
the person I've always wanted to be.
the smile and energy i feel just.... OH MY GOD! i feel soooo released. the weight on my shoulders seems to have been lifted.
all the shit thats happened to me, with me, against me, pick any me. i dont care which one. but, its all bull shit.
i love you, you should know that. no really. without you, i would've never have realized this.
time to be an adult and act like a kid
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[03 Dec 2006|11:46am] |
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its happening again...
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| having an aquaman day |
[13 Nov 2006|01:05am] |
so, i've been having an aquaman day.
and for those of you that dont know its the type of day that you don't feel that important. theres batman, superman, the flash, green lantern, and then there is aquaman. who really needs him? he's part of the team and everyone treats him like an equal but, he knows he's not. and its just no good for anyone.
ironically i just had a conversation about waiting with the one i'm waiting for. it was quite heart wrenching for me, its obvious i don't have a chance in hell. but i sit in my still. ever waiting that she'll see what i can be for her, and what she can be for me. before, at least i knew she was happy, now she's in pain. and that hurts me, and i want to take that from her more than anything. that pain. i would bear that load for her if only to see her smile once...
why am i even going on like this?
i'm just having a small emo moment. sorry. it'll pass, i swear i'm not am fucking emo kid.
still waiting to here from school. 4 more days until i'm fucked for yet another year.
i'm tired. and hungry. and broke.
and i'm aquaman
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[31 Oct 2006|08:15am] |
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boo!
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[17 Oct 2006|03:24am] |
i've lived my life through the idea of karma. well, today is the day that i dis-a-vow that idea.
my entire life i've tried to live it right and straight and true. but its gotten me nothing. absolutly nothing. i'm alone all the time. i feel alien everywhere i go. and the one person, the only person in the world that i thought would understand is in love with another ignores me and thinks i'm a whiney bitch.
i'm so tired of all of this. i want to scream but, it feels like no one is listening. like, i could go to greg or matt or jordan or anyone else, they tell me they care and all that and i believe them. but, its just hard for me to open up to them. so, i bottle it up and then i feel like this.
i feel alone in the world. numb to everything. i just want to hold someone, once. i almost had that... but i was a fool and lost it. i regret every second of it, and now there is nothing in my life. i should move on, but its still there holding me back. its either hope or stupidity or blind faith. i dont know anymore.
i just want to crawl away and just let the next 100 years fall away from me. i dont want to be hurt anymore or hurt anyone in exchange. i dont want anyone to worry about me. i just... cant do it anymore.
i still love her. i know i do. and she hates me.
i have to do sotmhing, i cant just take life lying down... considering i cant even lie down anymore because of my back.
karma may not have worked... but dammit if steve-ma won't
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| a few things i gotta get off my chest before i sleep |
[08 Oct 2006|07:12am] |
ok, these past few days, they've been hard. i mean, god i've been having alot of fun. just emotionnally, its been a kick in the nuts.
laurel and I got into an arguement. and i didnt speak to her for a few days. i was pretty damn furious, i wont lie. but, jiminy crikkett in me got me groveling back. she says she sorry, but, i just dont know anymore.
how can you trust someone that hurt you so bad so much so often?
i wanted to talk to her, to see her. but, i know what would happen. she'd ignore the call, or just blow me off. and if i did see her, then it would hurt even worse, because i know her minds on anything but.
i dont want to do this to her. or me. i'm trying desperatly to save the dissolving friendship we have. its just... not working.i'm tired of having all my female friends dissapear from me. i hardly even talk to colleen. anna so often. heidi's seems to be busy alot.
i need to get to sleep before i start beating mself up for shit that isnt my fault. shit that i dont need or want in my life...
i need some ultimate alliance already guys
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| oddly correct... o.O? |
[25 Sep 2006|03:29pm] |
| The Keys to Your Heart | 
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
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| back to square one. |
[21 Sep 2006|01:09am] |
hey guys. been an interesting week to say the least. i just want to do one of these to keep the long end of a gun out of my mouth. a little stress relief never hurt anyone, i totally had to cuy laurel off she was a drug that was killing my faster everyday.
well, until the good stuff.
first up on the list in annihation.
Annihaltion wowsa. this is an epic should be. it has all the elements an epic should. boobs, brawn, and silver surfer. let me give you a little synapse before i get in depth (well i guess its a in-depth synapse... well... shut up!) it started on annihalation day. when the nova corp (think green lantern corp only marvel Universe) was completly wiped out except a single nova member. my boy in blue, nova, richie rider. first you should understand somthing about me. i LOVE nova. he is one of my most favorite characters. and i love everything about him. so, i want to get that out of the way.
now. after the annilation wave hit. leaded by ruler of the negative zone, C-rate fantastic four villian, annilus. now, he has an entire bug army at his disposal and his using them to just over take everything. looks like he wants to expand his domain.
silver surfer has rejoined his dear old pal, galactus. and is once again his herald. and insanly more powerful. times of war make for strange bed felows.
nova all the knowledge and power of nova corp now. hmm.... sound much like kyle rayner? oh well, i still love you nova.
oh. and the super-skrull is dead... which is not easy... at all!
anyways the book is a pretty big war epic. its set up and executed beutifully. and you leave with the feeling that maybe everyone wont make it out alive. maybe drax wont get his daughter back and a chance to kill thanos... maybe nova will die... NaW! that mutha fuckers getting an ongoing series after this books done.
what i really love is how they really went to the well on all these cosmic level heroes and really get them alot of character moments and you really get to flesh them out anf their reasons for doing anything.
next up is martian manhunter .
now, this isnt the old MM that we all now. this is a new one. a more violent and... not such a wimp. i'm not to sure how well this is going to work out. becuase they really have changed everything about this character. throwing away years and years of continuity and character devolpment to just give him a make over. i'm not sure if i like it when a hero who has sworn never to take a life. suddenly stands idly by when his new found comrade martians murder doctors and gaurds.
but, i do like how the character is as conflicted as i am. half the time he's debating whether his new methods are working or not.
what i o like is the new suit. i always found it wierd how MM always tried to "fit in." rejecting alot of his martian ways. instead of representing them. like superman wearing the shield, the last kryptonian. MM always just conformed. and that never really settled with me. now he has the elongated head and THEY GOT RID OF THE SPEEDO!!!!!
speedo's dont work now-a-days.
flash
i just want to say that i love that impulse is now the flash. and the art in this book is stunning... his women are just so sexy. never thought a geeky girl could look like that. mmmmmmm
robin
well, the new robin team is the best its been in a while. gone are the days of the super-wierd super-natural super-villians. although johnny warlock was a good start at getting tim his own rogues. but, it just didnt work out. i love the art in the book. its the best looking tim i've seen since the old days. and i like how they really stripped tim down to the esstials. no more super-tech and super computers in his glove. just some straight karate action. which, i love. ^^
I <3 robin 4evar!
Blue beetle
this is for you colleen if you even still read this.
BB is insane! we finnally get a little follow up to ted's death when oracle call up the new BB and confesses... alot to say the least. i like how the book is so much more than you would think it could be. its more than just a teen comic. but theres a horror aspect to it. sometimes the suit just comes alive and can really just fucking scare the shit out of you... its insane and the dialogue is astounding. thats probaly the part that shines the most out of the entire series
well, onto the big gun
CIVIL WAR
captain america is a bad ass.
after getting his ass handed to him by iron man. and having a brain-shutting-off sound frequency type thingi. his still standing trying to kick iron man's ass. freacking amazing. the thor coming back thing... wel thats a little different than what was previously thought... it was like a clone of thor. even murdered black goliath. which led to invisible woman and human torch joining cap's side. which let to one of the most heart felt and moving moments i've ever read in comics. straight up yo.
i'm awaiting the next issue when the villians get involved... yeah, a venom and spiderman team up... because that always works out right?
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| A letter to all |
[14 Sep 2006|04:02pm] |
hi guys. steve here.
i got alot to say. or maybe not enough. i'm juiced on 3 cans of monster and typing faster than anyone should be, so, ignore the spelling.
well, i need to first say i'm sorry. this summer was... not. i was to ditracted. distracted by hope and love. or what i thought would be. and for that i suffered. i relize that now. and i'm sorry. my eyes are wider than they ever have been. the world is brighter and my chin is up.
i carry a wristband now to remind me. to remind me of who matters to me. and when i get that feeling again. i snap it. it helps gets my hand off a phone and away from the computer.
and this emo music. it doesnt help. man, i miss the mindless drible i used to listen to. songs with messages are always so depressing... or christian... and no one likes that.
i'm getting my life together. i'm kicking out all the stuff that blinded me. i'm done with chicks for awhile now. vagina just aint worth the trouble it gives me... all the time.
its tiem to get back to steve. the old old steve. maybe even a haircut to usher in this new era eh? no. just because i'm starting over doesnt mean i have t go back to the uglies. haha jk
i want you to knwo that i love you. i really mean that. my friends are the most important thing in my life. and the drama that has been drawn to us by me. its just not worth it. i need to start intervening and just get everyone back together. steve's unified theory as it were.
i miss the days of the bench. but that is past us... no past me. i need to stop looking behind me and start looking forward. looking forward to a new school. my father's so happy. i've never seen him this proud of his "gay" son in a long time.
i've been set back. set back alot latly. but thats behind me. i have my major declared... finnally. history! ^^ kess, chip, and now steve. we are so cool. but what can i say i love this shit. american history can suck my nuts.
woah coming down of my monster high. need more!
there we go, i'm juiced.
well, i'm sort of running out of what to say. but let me just say, i think i found my radioactive spider. and its been under my nose this whole time. i was just blinded by the shiny. that bad bad shiny.
well, guys steve's out. love you all.
-steve-
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[07 Sep 2006|02:11am] |
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this is burning insode of me... i need to talk to her
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| top 10 |
[05 Sep 2006|01:26am] |
I was just thinking. what are your top 10 best video games you've ever played.
here's mine. make a list yourself. i'm just curious. and i think this will be fun
10. Spider-Man (PSX)
9. Final Fantasy 9 (PSX)
8. Psychonauts (PS2)
7. Half-life and TFC (PC)
6. metal gear solid
5. sonic 2 (genesis)
4. super smash bros. melee
3. pokemon blue
2. final fantasy X
1. kingdom hearts
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| summer-lings |
[23 Aug 2006|12:22pm] |
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happy |
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oddly enough... the acdemy is...: down and out |
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well, summers just about over and i think its time to do some refletion
i dont exactly know how i want to do this. lets see
:: five minutes later::
shit nothing yet?
ok then. FINE! be like that
made new friends: yeah! Brian, Phil, Drew (who i need to hang out with more), laurel =), corienne, Pat, Jay. last o' new people.
lost some friends, at least it feels that way, Gary (not hortonations, i loose horton i die) and colleen.
seen any good movies: snakes on a plane much?
killed anyone: 2... but in my defence they had it coming.
played any good video games: yeah! smash, psychonauts and well, psychonauts was good enough to count twice
i love how i'm doing this like a survey, only i'm doing exclusivly for me.
fell in love: yes
fell out of love: no
been heart broken: maybe, still deciding on that one
best comic book you read:civil war or runaways
best moment: cap takes on an army of cape-killing shield agents... and then surfs on a jet to escape.
worst moment: gert died :(
best song: hmm... to many
most overplayed: the academy is - down and out (i think i'll play that now!)
trips: florida, best damn week i couldve hoped for!
best thing you bought: NINTENDO DS!!!!!!!
favorite place: the park
favorite place to eat: taco bell. now and forever ^^
got drunk: hell yeah!
got high: i dont get high... or do i?
well, the good the bad and the ugly. i say this was a summer well worth it. not like last time where all i did was play FF XI. that'll never happen again. well, i got some comics to get and some people to say good bye to. cya guys.
and chip brady has a big penis
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| a crying screaming girl punched me in the nuts... in more ways than one |
[06 Aug 2006|08:01pm] |
yeah. its true. it happened.
todays been a pretty shit-tacular day. dying would be great right about now.
but then i wouldnt know how civil war ended... and that would suck
you know when you get really just heart broken and no matter what you do you just cant seem to smile. you could see a box full over puppies and just nothing touches you. i'm there right now. i'm trying really. its hard to get over. i want to see her, just once. one more time and then i'm done. it'll be totally up to her.
but, yay for the frontera temper i think i've been pissing her off. yippee kai yay
anyways. i'm going to be MIA i need to seriously drown myself in my comics and some transformers if i want to snap out of this slump.
i really wish colleen would call me back with my invincible too. i need that so bad right now. i miss that book... and runaways too... :(
cmon, steve... dont do this to yourself... its not worth it... nobody should have this much sway on me... but, i cant get this out of me...
you know, completing X-men lengends 2 with stakhiv might help.
i need my friends right now. i just wish they needed me...
fuck! STEPHEN ROBERT FRONTERA! I CANNOT DO THIS TO MYSELF! its not worth it! its just not worth it.
AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
i'm going to watch transformers... bye guys
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[22 Jul 2006|01:50am] |
clerks 2 got me thinking...
theres very few tings that can get me smiling. and this is probaly the most natural you'll see me in awhile
and soul asylum is an awesome band. i forgot abot them for awhile
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[16 Jul 2006|07:01pm] |
hmmm
well, guess what ya'all. steve finnally gets his shit together, a good job, good friends, toleration from my family... because thats all i can hope for... toleration... woo hoo
and my mom just came in and said she and my father are cutting me off on school funds and any financial support and i have until december to find a school that will take me year round becuase i'm not allowed to live here anymore
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| ATTACK OF THE EMO POST! |
[13 Jul 2006|12:08pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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city and color - save your scissors |
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alright. jst so you know. this post is going to be pretty emo... yeah sorry guys.
--------------------------
you know, i havnt been sleeping very well latly, he last i only got 3 hours of sleep. 3! i just cant stop my brain, i cant relax anymore. i keep thinking of the same things. the same people. the same person. and when i do sleep.... its horrible.
i have the same dream over and over. and its about Bear. its me and him and i go through all the millions of things i couldve done for him. but its to late. he's gone forever now.and its ever day its harder and harder without him. ever since his passing i just dont want to be home. i know it and so does my mom. i'm lazier. dirtier. lonelier. particually the last one there.
since i lost him, it feels like i lost a few other really close friends. but everytime a door closes a new door opens. its the way of the world.
i hate futurama. i would be fine if it weren't for that one damn episode. you know, with fry's dog. i can't watch that episode anymore. its just to hard now-a-days.
all i can do is sit and wait for MY radioactive spider...
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